The process of reinvention

Every once in a while, the universe collapses, or so it seems.

In the last 3 months, our stable lifestyle has seen some shake-ups. Xavier was thankfully with my parents while I had the pleasure of moving on short notice, and changing childcare providers. In addition, I had the pleasure of having my wallet stolen and dealing with my aging parents' health. So far, 2011 has come out swingin'.

However, there's always a benefit to big changes - appreciation of what you do have. I can honestly say that I would not have made it through the last few months without the support of my friends, colleagues and family. I've learned that fair weather friends don't stick around when it gets tough, and I've learned that some of those people who I thought were fair weather, were actually really truly at my side.

So... this year brings with it the practice of gratitude. I'm grateful for everyone, and I mean everyone, who brings that positive energy my way. Whether it's the person who I get breakfast from at 57th and the lake, or the colleague who always smiles and says hello, or the fellow single mama friend who calls and checks in on me, they make this marathon of parenthood bearable.

So with these big changes comes a chance to reinvent who I am and how I see the world. It also brings with it, a new Xavier. He's almost 4... and boy is there a difference between 3 and 4.

So... here are some changes:

Xavier and I sit down and eat together, but now, before we eat, we share a toast and tell each other what we're grateful for. Xavier always goes first, and usually manages to throw in a quip about what he wants for his birthday.

I've stopped feeling guilty for being a parent (who isn't perfect with a child who isn't perfect) and embraced the moment. Xavier is actually remembering things that he wouldn't before. He's at the age in which, he will remember this time of his life. There is no reason why he shouldn't enjoy as much of it as possible. I won't let the critical non-parent or critical and vocal parent get me down - Xavier's only going to be this young once. There's no sense in an overanalysis of all ways in which I fail at being the best.

We do what Xavier wants to do... way more often. He has a voice. He has to learn to use it. Now that Xavier can vocalize what he needs and have those needs met by anyone who speaks English - not just Mommyese, he's learning to express himself. Case in point: 3 weeks ago... I gave him a mohawk. He loves it. I love it. He asked me for it. If he hadn't asked, it wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have asked for that 2 months ago.

There's only one thing that hasn't been altered even in the slightest in the last few months - and that is that no matter what, I will always love and being there for my son.