One day, Xavier will be a man. Even sooner, he will be a teenager or preteen struggling to come to grips with who he is in the world. As his mother, I feel it's my responsibility to teach him about the world before it schools him. So, on days like today, I wonder what I will teach him and when. With the realization that he's part of a group of children who have never known a country at peace, what will I say to him about the war that he's grown up in and that he was born into?
I've looked at pictures, from all over the world, and they're celebrating this death. But, what is it that they're happy for? Is what has happened to our country, several countries around the world, and countless human beings over the last 10 years worth it? Is this really a victory? How can I tell him about the war when I never understood why it started? How can I tell him that today because some faraway "bad guy" was killed, he's safer? Most importantly, how can I tell him that it's over?
I hope one day my son forgives my lack of patriotism and doubtfulness, but the scars of war run deep and its legacy is long lasting. We have a lot of work to do to rebuild and I'm not sure it will ever be finished.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
20 reasons I love my son
Sometimes, being a parent sucks. It sucks when you're so tired, but you still have to wash the dishes. It sucks when you're lonely and worried, and your little one thinks it's the perfect time to act up. It sucks when you're sick, and you really wish that someone was there to care for you. It sucks when all you want to do blow a whistle, call time out, and realize that life doesn't work that way.
So, using your inferential skills, you can probably detect that this past week has just been difficult.
My old CC coach told us about the 24 hour rule, and it's time to put it to use. You have 24 hrs to gloat or be gloomy about whatever it was that made you so, then back to work on that ultimate goal of yours. So, maybe my goal has shifted from running a killer 5k to raising a loving, considerate young man... but the same rule applies. Rather than pull an Eeyore, here are 20 reasons I love my son:
1. Belly on feet - Xavier has an obsession with bellies, specifically mine. Ever since he was teeny, he's enjoyed putting his very cold feet on my very warm belly.
2. random kisses - Every once in a while, I get smothered with kisses. It's like a bell goes off reminding him that mommy likes kisses.
3. The flying hug - Every day, I get a hug at the end of the day. I get down on one knee and open my arms, Xavier takes a flying leap and lands with a "umph" as he almost knocks me over.
4. "thank you mommy" - He says thank you without being prompted when I do something nice for him
5. open door conversations - Xavier has no inhibitions about conversations in which 1 person is in the washroom and the other isn't. (See number 7)
6. maybe when I'm ... - When he's 15, Xavier will ride a motorcycle, but he'll wait til 24 or 25 to have alcohol or wine with mommy.
7. "you have a gina" - A holdover from potty training, Xavier knows basic anatomy. He knows mommy doesn't have a penis. Just today, he said, "oh I forgot, you don't have a penis, you have a gina". Yes, my son will be that kid.
8. Split popsicles - they're better shared.
9. Serenades from the backseat - He's a fan of Bruno Mars, so I've heard "Marry You" from the voice of a 3 year old.
10. Ackcashee - "Actually", this is one of my favorite words that he says. He uses big words in everyday conversation.
11. Gian Cific ocapus - He's watched the "shark vs. octopus" on youtube so many times, I've lost count. He's still really interested in nonfiction about animals and always manages to impress adults with his knowledge about many different land and sea animals or... "aminals".
12. Dr. Seuss - Xavier likes Oh the Places You'll Go. enough said.
13. Charleston - he likes to lead me around on the dance floor or the living room and likes to do side by side Charleston. I love it. :)
14. Pillowfights and giggles - Saturday mornings could start with an hour of cuddling, or a 15 minute pillow fight.
15. curling up on my lap - Without fail, he just curls up in my lap like it's another seat anytime there's a book or movie.
16. Transformers and Tom and Jerry - He appreciates old versions of things... He seriously loves Tom and Jerry clips from the 40s and the 80s transformers.
17. Washing dishes - these become water fights quickly.
18. "That ok, ackkissidens happen" - without fail, every time he says this, I feel better.
19. snoring - As I'm writing this, I can hear him snoring from the other room... he's always snored, but there's nothing sweeter than baby snores.
20. Thumb - He's changed so much from when I first brought him home from the hospital, that sometimes the only visible connection to his babyhood is that he still sucks his thumb. It's always his left thumb, because his right hand is always playing with his belly button. (see #1)
Bottom line: No matter what happens, I'm always going to love my little guy. :)
So, using your inferential skills, you can probably detect that this past week has just been difficult.
My old CC coach told us about the 24 hour rule, and it's time to put it to use. You have 24 hrs to gloat or be gloomy about whatever it was that made you so, then back to work on that ultimate goal of yours. So, maybe my goal has shifted from running a killer 5k to raising a loving, considerate young man... but the same rule applies. Rather than pull an Eeyore, here are 20 reasons I love my son:
1. Belly on feet - Xavier has an obsession with bellies, specifically mine. Ever since he was teeny, he's enjoyed putting his very cold feet on my very warm belly.
2. random kisses - Every once in a while, I get smothered with kisses. It's like a bell goes off reminding him that mommy likes kisses.
3. The flying hug - Every day, I get a hug at the end of the day. I get down on one knee and open my arms, Xavier takes a flying leap and lands with a "umph" as he almost knocks me over.
4. "thank you mommy" - He says thank you without being prompted when I do something nice for him
5. open door conversations - Xavier has no inhibitions about conversations in which 1 person is in the washroom and the other isn't. (See number 7)
6. maybe when I'm ... - When he's 15, Xavier will ride a motorcycle, but he'll wait til 24 or 25 to have alcohol or wine with mommy.
7. "you have a gina" - A holdover from potty training, Xavier knows basic anatomy. He knows mommy doesn't have a penis. Just today, he said, "oh I forgot, you don't have a penis, you have a gina". Yes, my son will be that kid.
8. Split popsicles - they're better shared.
9. Serenades from the backseat - He's a fan of Bruno Mars, so I've heard "Marry You" from the voice of a 3 year old.
10. Ackcashee - "Actually", this is one of my favorite words that he says. He uses big words in everyday conversation.
11. Gian Cific ocapus - He's watched the "shark vs. octopus" on youtube so many times, I've lost count. He's still really interested in nonfiction about animals and always manages to impress adults with his knowledge about many different land and sea animals or... "aminals".
12. Dr. Seuss - Xavier likes Oh the Places You'll Go. enough said.
13. Charleston - he likes to lead me around on the dance floor or the living room and likes to do side by side Charleston. I love it. :)
14. Pillowfights and giggles - Saturday mornings could start with an hour of cuddling, or a 15 minute pillow fight.
15. curling up on my lap - Without fail, he just curls up in my lap like it's another seat anytime there's a book or movie.
16. Transformers and Tom and Jerry - He appreciates old versions of things... He seriously loves Tom and Jerry clips from the 40s and the 80s transformers.
17. Washing dishes - these become water fights quickly.
18. "That ok, ackkissidens happen" - without fail, every time he says this, I feel better.
19. snoring - As I'm writing this, I can hear him snoring from the other room... he's always snored, but there's nothing sweeter than baby snores.
20. Thumb - He's changed so much from when I first brought him home from the hospital, that sometimes the only visible connection to his babyhood is that he still sucks his thumb. It's always his left thumb, because his right hand is always playing with his belly button. (see #1)
Bottom line: No matter what happens, I'm always going to love my little guy. :)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Saturday night...
Last night, we found our new family tradition. I think something that would hold us together had been missing in our duo since the move. It had become "what am I going to do with Xavier?", rather than "what are we going to do together?" Now, I think we've found something that fits perfectly. Our Saturday night picnic and a movie will be a thing of monumental family proportions.
The day started off rather dull and without much get up and go. We didn't leave the house until 1 to run errands. Xavier fell asleep in the car, we were very indecisive, and then we made it home. We had stopped by the redbox, and picked up Despicable Me. I'm thinking, yay, yet another kids' movie.
A couple hours of goofing around pass and it just hit me that maybe we should get the movie started, but that we hadn't had dinner. However, there's no eating on the new couch. It was getting dreadfully close to the tired beyond all reason threshold. Solution: Picnic on the floor. In front of the TV. We laid out the green serape that my brothers and I used to fight over 20 years ago, ate sandwiches off paper plates, and had a lovely time.
They're so little only once. I won't be able to hold him in my arms forever. He won't willingly eat on a blanket spread out on the living room floor with his mom when he's 15. So, forgive me, but there is nothing I would rather do than spend my Saturday night with my little man.
The day started off rather dull and without much get up and go. We didn't leave the house until 1 to run errands. Xavier fell asleep in the car, we were very indecisive, and then we made it home. We had stopped by the redbox, and picked up Despicable Me. I'm thinking, yay, yet another kids' movie.
A couple hours of goofing around pass and it just hit me that maybe we should get the movie started, but that we hadn't had dinner. However, there's no eating on the new couch. It was getting dreadfully close to the tired beyond all reason threshold. Solution: Picnic on the floor. In front of the TV. We laid out the green serape that my brothers and I used to fight over 20 years ago, ate sandwiches off paper plates, and had a lovely time.
They're so little only once. I won't be able to hold him in my arms forever. He won't willingly eat on a blanket spread out on the living room floor with his mom when he's 15. So, forgive me, but there is nothing I would rather do than spend my Saturday night with my little man.
Friday, March 18, 2011
The process of reinvention
Every once in a while, the universe collapses, or so it seems.
In the last 3 months, our stable lifestyle has seen some shake-ups. Xavier was thankfully with my parents while I had the pleasure of moving on short notice, and changing childcare providers. In addition, I had the pleasure of having my wallet stolen and dealing with my aging parents' health. So far, 2011 has come out swingin'.
However, there's always a benefit to big changes - appreciation of what you do have. I can honestly say that I would not have made it through the last few months without the support of my friends, colleagues and family. I've learned that fair weather friends don't stick around when it gets tough, and I've learned that some of those people who I thought were fair weather, were actually really truly at my side.
So... this year brings with it the practice of gratitude. I'm grateful for everyone, and I mean everyone, who brings that positive energy my way. Whether it's the person who I get breakfast from at 57th and the lake, or the colleague who always smiles and says hello, or the fellow single mama friend who calls and checks in on me, they make this marathon of parenthood bearable.
So with these big changes comes a chance to reinvent who I am and how I see the world. It also brings with it, a new Xavier. He's almost 4... and boy is there a difference between 3 and 4.
So... here are some changes:
Xavier and I sit down and eat together, but now, before we eat, we share a toast and tell each other what we're grateful for. Xavier always goes first, and usually manages to throw in a quip about what he wants for his birthday.
I've stopped feeling guilty for being a parent (who isn't perfect with a child who isn't perfect) and embraced the moment. Xavier is actually remembering things that he wouldn't before. He's at the age in which, he will remember this time of his life. There is no reason why he shouldn't enjoy as much of it as possible. I won't let the critical non-parent or critical and vocal parent get me down - Xavier's only going to be this young once. There's no sense in an overanalysis of all ways in which I fail at being the best.
We do what Xavier wants to do... way more often. He has a voice. He has to learn to use it. Now that Xavier can vocalize what he needs and have those needs met by anyone who speaks English - not just Mommyese, he's learning to express himself. Case in point: 3 weeks ago... I gave him a mohawk. He loves it. I love it. He asked me for it. If he hadn't asked, it wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have asked for that 2 months ago.
There's only one thing that hasn't been altered even in the slightest in the last few months - and that is that no matter what, I will always love and being there for my son.
In the last 3 months, our stable lifestyle has seen some shake-ups. Xavier was thankfully with my parents while I had the pleasure of moving on short notice, and changing childcare providers. In addition, I had the pleasure of having my wallet stolen and dealing with my aging parents' health. So far, 2011 has come out swingin'.
However, there's always a benefit to big changes - appreciation of what you do have. I can honestly say that I would not have made it through the last few months without the support of my friends, colleagues and family. I've learned that fair weather friends don't stick around when it gets tough, and I've learned that some of those people who I thought were fair weather, were actually really truly at my side.
So... this year brings with it the practice of gratitude. I'm grateful for everyone, and I mean everyone, who brings that positive energy my way. Whether it's the person who I get breakfast from at 57th and the lake, or the colleague who always smiles and says hello, or the fellow single mama friend who calls and checks in on me, they make this marathon of parenthood bearable.
So with these big changes comes a chance to reinvent who I am and how I see the world. It also brings with it, a new Xavier. He's almost 4... and boy is there a difference between 3 and 4.
So... here are some changes:
Xavier and I sit down and eat together, but now, before we eat, we share a toast and tell each other what we're grateful for. Xavier always goes first, and usually manages to throw in a quip about what he wants for his birthday.
I've stopped feeling guilty for being a parent (who isn't perfect with a child who isn't perfect) and embraced the moment. Xavier is actually remembering things that he wouldn't before. He's at the age in which, he will remember this time of his life. There is no reason why he shouldn't enjoy as much of it as possible. I won't let the critical non-parent or critical and vocal parent get me down - Xavier's only going to be this young once. There's no sense in an overanalysis of all ways in which I fail at being the best.
We do what Xavier wants to do... way more often. He has a voice. He has to learn to use it. Now that Xavier can vocalize what he needs and have those needs met by anyone who speaks English - not just Mommyese, he's learning to express himself. Case in point: 3 weeks ago... I gave him a mohawk. He loves it. I love it. He asked me for it. If he hadn't asked, it wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have asked for that 2 months ago.
There's only one thing that hasn't been altered even in the slightest in the last few months - and that is that no matter what, I will always love and being there for my son.
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